


Funky Business.

by drownoutlove (Sept_Meules)



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Car Crush, Crack, Hospitals, Implied Bottom!Hannibal, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sibling Bonding, Torture your sibling with your sex life, Warrick's back!, but not sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sept_Meules/pseuds/drownoutlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will is an ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funky Business.

**Author's Note:**

> No, my title didn't come from M-W.   
> Aww.

"Shut up." Warrick says through gritted teeth. 

Will shrugs, "It's really bad that you've decided to bat for the other team, War. I mean, it really felt good that Dr. Lecter's--"

Warrick covers his ears and rolls into an armadillo, singing 'Baa, Baa, Black Sheep' under his breath. 

"-- felt wierd on the first try, get this aphyxiation when the whole length's in--"

Warrcik groans as he uncovers his ears and stands up. His older brother standing up after him, continuing his narrative with a noticeable grin on him. 

"And have I told you about that toy?"

Warrick hits his beer bottle off the coffee table with the back of his hand. Then watch the contents spill on his flea market-bought maroon carpet. He instinctively knelt down to pick up the shards but hissed when his palm was cut. 

"--in and out--"

Warrick quickly runs to the kitchen in hope that Will decided to help him out instead, rather than kill him slowly with his and Dr. Lecter's sex life. 

"And came twice--"

"Spare me the details." Warrick mutters as he washed his bloodied hand in the kitchen basin. 

"No," Adamantly says Will, "you'll be a successful actor, War, you could do with the details. Experience them secondhand." 

"So who tops?" He sardonically chides, pulling out the his first aid kit. 

Will jumps on top the counter, sitting beside Warrick's kit. "We alternate."

Warrick winces both at his stupidity and when Will took his gauze in Warrick's hand, jolting pain up his arm. 

"But on occassion, when he feels tipsy, he lets me--"

"Oh my gawd, let go off me!" Warrick screams, pulling his arm away as Will wrapped the gauze around his hand. 

Will continues, a Cheschire grin on his face, "And we'd fuck all the way up the stairs while we listen to the guests' cars drive away--"

Warrick is already crying when Will finishes his story and finishes with War's hand. 

"There you are." Will says fondly, patting his hand. He looks up and sees his brother's cheeks already dripping with tears. "I haven't broken you, have I?"

"No," Warrick sobs, "but you made me hate you so so much."

Will frowns pitifully and embraces his brother. Like the time Warrick fell down that river and Will pulled him out, hugging him to warmth. 

Will whispers him apologies but paused when he felt a hand on his ass and then his phone leaving its place in his pants pocket. 

Warrick shimmies off from Will's embrace and throws up his hand in triumph, Will's _blackberry_ in his hand. He quickly fumbles with opening the phone and taking the sim card off, breaking it in two, walking backwards, falling when his back hits the couch. 

"What the hell, Warrick!" Will shouted. 

"I refuse you to have communication with that man starting from now on!" He screams, "I will not have my one and only brother be fucked dumb!" He crawls away from Will's groping hands. Not that he was groping Warrick's body in an incestuous, lustful way...

"Do you know about those blonde pornstars?! Fucking made their IQ lower!"

"There haven't been any intelligence marring on Hannibal!"

"I wasn't even talking about him!"

"Warrick!" Will yells as he chased hiss brother around the couch. 

The younger Graham unlocks the door and steps out in time before the older caught up to him. 

But as he stepped outside, he saw Dr. Lecter midway up the steps, looking at Warrick, puzzled. 

And then Will materializes behind him. 

Warrick points at Dr. Lecter and then his brother with his wounded hand, "I don't want to hear about your funky business, AT ALL!"

Dr. Lecter just looks at him. 

Will just looks at his brother like he just grew a twin. A very identical twin. 

With a pregnant pause, Dr. Lecter looks up to Will, "What?"

Warrick, then parkours down the stairs' railing, sliding down sucessfuly without hitting his nuts. 

He cackled awkwardly, running off from them and went straight across the street, getting toppled over by a passing black Vios. 

"Warrick!" Will shouted in shock as he ran down the stairs to aid his brother. 

The driver of that black Vios was courteous enough to not leave Warrick on the road. The driver turned out to be an Asian woman who looked nothing like Beverly Katz. She got out of her car and rushed forward to Warrick, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry--"

Will appears beside her, "Warrick, can you hear me?"

Warrick is gazing up the sky, pointing up at the clouds and muttering particularly non-odd things like: "It has a horn and a trunk. I think it's a uniphant." (OMG, I'm using that on another story.)

"Sh-should I call an ambulance?" The Asian woman asks, deciding that Will is probably Warrick's brother. 

"Uniphant!" Shrieks Warrick. 

Will nods gravely. 

 

\---

 

Beverly made time to visit Warrick in the hospital, a box of chocolates under her armpit as she entered his room. 

"War, I'm here." She greets softly. 

Will had told her that he must have damaged his brain because all Warrick can say while he flirted was Will and Dr. Lecter's sex life. 

"How are you feeling?" She questions as she took a sit on the plastic chair beside his bed. 

Warrick frowns, "Funky."

**Author's Note:**

> Because I'm an only child, I always thought grown siblings bonding is endearing. Until I wrote this, I see that siblings make living hard. 
> 
> I just wanted to post something crack-ish.


End file.
